TOMMY ROBINSON ATTACKS HELPLESS CELTIC FANS

Vile bundle of hate Tommy Robinson, real name Stephen John Zion-Lennon, attacked a bunch of Celtic fans at a book-signing in Sunderland yesterday.

KURDISH GUNMAN NOT A TERRORIST

The Kurdish Iraqi who shot and killed a nightclub doorman in Konstanz, Germany, has been revealed not to be a terrorist. The shooting has therefore been normalised by the authorities.

The stuffed remains of ISIS terrorist Bruno

PARP FIRES GENDER NEUTRAL PRIEBUS

US President Donald Parp has sensationally fired General Reince Priebus as part of his ban on transgender persons in the military.

Kelly Malony has nothing to do with this article

HAMBURG STABBER NOT JIHADIST

A white Palestinian from the United Arab Emirates, who was refused asylum in Germany because of racism, stabbed seven people, one fatally, in Hamburg yesterday. But police spokesgenderneutralperson Andy Grote has told everyone not to worry, as 'He was known as an Islamist and not a Jihadist.'

Hello gorgeous

CHESTER BENNINGTON NOT LIVING ANYMORE

It is with some sadness that we at the Dairy Male have learned of the tragic suicide of Nu-Metal singing sensation Chester Bennington from Linkin Park. His brave yet fated sword battle with depression has been well documented elsewhere, his chronic moping-about probably all starting with him being lumbered with a prescription for National Health Service 'jam-jar-bottom problem-glasses', or something.

JOHN MCCAIN HAS BRAIN CANCER

Former US President-wannabe and inventor of oven-ready chips (that's freedom fries to you Americans) John McCain has been diagnosed with brain cancer.

 

AUSTRALIAN PM: WOG COP GUNMAN'S ACTIONS 'INEXPLICABLE'

Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has called the actions of Somali pirate US cop Mohamed Noor 'inexplicable'.

 

STUDENTS VOTE TWICE

It has been discovered that many students voted twice during this year's General Election, leading to concerns that voting may be rigged.

GEORGE A ROMERO TURNED INTO ZOMBIE

It is with great sadness that we announce the zombification of film director George A Romero. 

 

TONY BLAIR: "I DEFECATE ON YOUR DEMOCRATIC RIGHTS"

Tony Bliar has yet again shat in the faces of the British electorate with a flat-earth-shattering pile of poo that left even the last remaining white voters brown. 

MAYWEATHER HITS MACGREGOR WITH HONKY RACIST CRACKER

The blows came in thick and fast in this epic encounter between the immortal Conor MacLeod McGregor and Lloyd Mayflower Jr. Early in the contest, McGregor hit Maypole with a heavy book, which stunned Fairweather with its complicated vocabulary and was deemed a low blow by referee and father Lloyd Carlweathers Sr.

 

Melville's Moby Dick left Mayflower all at sea

LAUREN SOUTHERN EXPOSED!

The revamped totally new yet the same as before Dairy Male is back with an Alt Right exclusive that will make your blood boil, stomach turn, heart sink and winkie shrivel. We can finally reveal why darling of the Alt Light and Alt Right Lauren Southern avoids the JQ and doesn't get her tits out for the lads.

Lauren engaging in masculine pursuits