PAUL CHUCKLE GRIEVES AS ANOTHER CHUCKLE BROTHER DIES

Tributes are pouring in in celebration of the death of another of the notorious Chuckle Brothers comedy troupe. Burt Chuckle, brother of Paul, follows Saddam and Barry onto that big stage in the sky.

SHOP AN ELDERLY FAMILY MEMBER FOR ISRAEL PROJECT LAUNCHED

As the years roll on, aging Nazis like 95-year-old former gas pump attendant Jakiw Palij are becoming a scarce commodity. This has come as a source of concern for Israeli Führer Benjamin Netan Yahoo.

Cameras are anti-Semitic

FEMEN CELEBRATE OKSANA'S LIFE

Oksana Shachko's unsuspicious suicide in her plush Parisian apartment paid for by George Soros just months after being purged from the Femen movement has brought tears to many a Ray Banned eye.

 

 

WHITE PRIVILEGE FAILS TO HELP CROATIA

So France are world champions again with an even more diverse team than in 1998. In 1998, we celebrated the fact that five of the starting line-up that beat Brazil were diverse. Now we have gone one better, with six starting players coming from diverse backgrounds and many more on the subs bench.

GRAND NATIONAL 'TOO SAFE'

Our rivals over at The Guerniad newsrag have praised this year's Grand National for its safety, as no horses were injured or killed. PETA, however, pointed to the fact that Lilbitluso had to be put down during the whole Aintree three-day event.

Yet David Yorkshire, President of the Fuck the Bleeding Hearts Foundation had a totally different perspective: "There'll be a lot of dogs going hungry tonight because of this," he said.

Yorkshire, also a journalist for this newspaper, in an exclusive interview with himself given in the third person, stated that the fences needed to be raised back to their former height. "And by that I mean their nineteenth century height. With the odd dry stone wall thrown in as a bit of a challenge," he added, flicking his cigar ash into a horse-hoof ashtray.  

 Responding to accusations of cruelty to animals, he retorted, "Bring back fox hunting."

PARKLANDS HEAD: WE MUST GO ALL THE WAY

The principal of Parklands Massacre High School in Florida, Rev. K. D. Fiddler, has welcomed the new school ordinance that will see all pupils carry transparent school bags to school, but Rev. Fiddler says this is not enough.

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH STEPHEN HAWKING'S A.I. INTERPRETER

Stephen Hawking may be dead, but the artificial intelligence that provided his voice from 1986 onwards lives on and granted us an exclusive interview at his country retreat in Berkshire.

 

 

BRITISH THIRST: GOLDING AND FRANSEN JAILED

Two of the biggest members in the nationalist donation-collection group British Thirst have been jailed for waving crosses in a menacing manner and calling people rude names.

 

CHEDDAR MAN RESPONSIBLE FOR FLORIDA SHOOTING

White supremist Alt Right Donald Trump Republican-supporting neo-Nazi KKK activist Cheddar Man was responsible for the school shooting in Parkland, Florida, it has emerged.

CHEDDAR MAN ARTISTS CHARGED WITH HATECRIME

The two artists responsible for the new bust of Cheddar Man have been charged with racial hatred. Dutch brothers Alfons and Andrie Kennis have been accused by African British leaders of both caricaturisation and of 'whitewashing' Black British history.