Our rivals over at The Guerniad newsrag have praised this year's Grand National for its safety, as no horses were injured or killed. PETA, however, pointed to the fact that Lilbitluso had to be put down during the whole Aintree three-day event.
Yet David Yorkshire, President of the Fuck the Bleeding Hearts Foundation had a totally different perspective: "There'll be a lot of dogs going hungry tonight because of this," he said.
Yorkshire, also a journalist for this newspaper, in an exclusive interview with himself given in the third person, stated that the fences needed to be raised back to their former height. "And by that I mean their nineteenth century height. With the odd dry stone wall thrown in as a bit of a challenge," he added, flicking his cigar ash into a horse-hoof ashtray.
Responding to accusations of cruelty to animals, he retorted, "Bring back fox hunting."