SLAVERY BROUGHT BACK IN NORTH AFRICA

North Africa is celebrating the 170th anniversary of the Ottoman decree under British pressure that brought slavery to an end in the region by selling Negroes into slavery.

 

PRESIDENT PARP SUPPORTS BRITISH THIRST

President McDonalds J Parp has sensationally retweeted videos made by far-right Zionist multiculturalist Nazi donation collectors British Thirst, prompting speculation that Trump is indeed literally Hitler and wants to gas his own daughter.

REFUGEES EATEN BY RACIST SHARKS

Social justice groups have been left enraged after a boat full of refugee children barely out of their teens was eaten by racist sharks during a rescue operation off the coast of Libya.

BLAXPLAINED SJW GETS BACK ABOARD THE N-TRAIN

The SJW whose gender we cannot assume as female (for various reasons) has reboarded the N-train after a commuter whose race we cannot assume as Negro blaxplained to her that manspreading was normal, resulting in both parties having thick lips.

 

HARRY WINDSOR AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCESS

Serial racist, Prince Harry, aka Harry the Bastard, has again attacked Blacks by trying to breed them out, just as his mother had tried to breed out the Arabs.

 

MARILYN MANSON DEAD

Former ACDC bassist and white supremacist Marilyn Manson has died in his prison cell at the age of 83.

 

MISS ISRAEL AND MISS IRAQ IN SELFIE ROW

There has been an outcry in Las Vegas following a selfie taken by two competitors in the Miss Universe competition: Miss Israel and Miss Iraq.

GEORGE TAKEI: I WAS RAPED BY CAPTAIN KIRK

In the latest sex sensation to rock Jollywood, Mr Sulu, whose only role to date, has been to play the character George Takei in various reality TV shows, has accused Captain Kirk of sexually molesting him as he tried to steer the USS Enterprise around a white dwarf.

MARTIN LUTHAH KANG WAS A COMMUNIST

1960s Blactivist Martin Luthah Kang has been exposed as a Communist, according to the FBI dossiers on the JFK assassination opened by President McDonalds J Parp. The dossier also revealed Martin Luthah Kang's kang has been exposed to many hoes other than his biatch.

TOM CRUISE IN PAEDOPHILIA BESTIALITY SCANDAL

Tom Cruise is the latest celebrity to be exposed as being a right pervert, following allegations that he raped a puppy on the set of Cocktail.

A black labrador by the name of Sambo has come forward to reveal that Cruise sexually assaulted his great-grandfather, who can only be called Lucky for legal reasons, during the filming of the euphemistically titled film Cocktail.

Rumours about his sexuality have dogged Cruise all his career and his girlfriends have been hounded by the press as suspected beards. He certainly has not pawed them in the same way as in the revealing photo above.

Yet fellow Scientologist John Travolta claimed the press were "barking up the wrong tree", before dashing off to catch the last flying saucer to Aldebaran. However, Kevin Spacey, who was attending a showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show with friend Noah Schnapp last night said Cruise was "a right dirty bastard" and that he was "not surprised".

As the dog was still only a puppy at the time, it is not known yet whether Cruise will be charged with bestiality or paedophilia.