Friday, 3 November 2017


Tom Cruise is the latest celebrity to be exposed as being a right pervert, following allegations that he raped a puppy on the set of Cocktail.

A black labrador by the name of Sambo has come forward to reveal that Cruise sexually assaulted his great-grandfather, who can only be called Lucky for legal reasons, during the filming of the euphemistically titled film Cocktail.

Rumours about his sexuality have dogged Cruise all his career and his girlfriends have been hounded by the press as suspected beards. He certainly has not pawed them in the same way as in the revealing photo above.

Yet fellow Scientologist John Travolta claimed the press were "barking up the wrong tree", before dashing off to catch the last flying saucer to Aldebaran. However, Kevin Spacey, who was attending a showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show with friend Noah Schnapp last night said Cruise was "a right dirty bastard" and that he was "not surprised".

As the dog was still only a puppy at the time, it is not known yet whether Cruise will be charged with bestiality or paedophilia.

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