ENOCH FOUND AND THIS YEAR'S WHO DA JOO THROUGH AND THROUGH?
Model moid, but woik is trying up
Mike Peinovich alias Mike Enoch has been found along with his wife Ames. They were discovered coming out of the Poark East Synagogue together, where they both insisted to our reporter that they had been getting a divorce. Ames Friedman-Peinovich-Shekelberg wore a figure-hugging Mürdoch Chan SS uniform for the occasion, while Mike sported a white Hermann Goering number that complemented his ample frame.
Peinovich broke down in tears as he told us, "The doxxing has been oawful, a Holocoarst. I've had to see my shrink every day. I been watching my Woody Allen collection to try to cheer me up, but even that hasn't woiked. It just set off my complexes."
His wife - sorry, ex-wife - added, "Moi modelling woik has dried up. People in the community have toined their backs on me." She now plans to set up a charity for impoverished ex-models.
Bookmakers William Shill have also announced the latest odds for the next Alt Righter to be exposed as a Jew in this the current year. Andrew Anglin is the front runner, although William Shill have offered punters' money back if he only turns out to be part Slope instead. These are the latest odds:
Andrew Anglin 1/2F
Andrew "Weev" Auernheimer 2/3
Robert Stark 3/1
Emily Youcis 5/1 (come on, you've all entertained the possibility)
Greg Johnson 10/1
Matt Heimbach 10/1
Lana Lokteff 50/1
Andy Nowicki 100/1 (too Catholic)
Richard Spencer 500/1 outsider (just look at those Aryan good looks).