Thursday, 29 December 2016


Jollywood award

We will finally see justice as Saturday draws to a close, when 2016 is finally executed for the mass murder of celebrities this year. He was finally caught after doing mother-daughter combo Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher and now joins 1666, 1918 and 1945 as one of the most evil years ever.


Reynolds featured in the 1960 film Pepe, while Fisher had to make do with lesser films like Star Wars, which contained no Alt Right memes at all - although Yoda was clearly also modelled on Pepe. This was often a source of friction between the two.


Jar-Jar Abrahams fought back tears yesterday as he paid tribute to Fisher: "She may have been a fellow kike, but what an inconsiderate bitch to die before Episode IX is filmed," he said, snivelling. He then reminded everyone that they were all responsible for the Holocaust.


Mud Flaps and Gold Nuggets

It's been an anus horribilis for professional turd burglars, with the likes of George Michael and David Bowie being shafted by 2016. LGBTJQ+ groups have been campaigning against the intelerance and prejudice towards minorities shown by 2016. "2016 is pro-Trump. We need a new current year," said a heavily pierced something with turquoise hair and glasses that looked vaguely human.


2016 was also responsible for the death of Hillary Clinton's career in politics. A random Jew said, "It's like another Shoah. I had my wife swallow her diamonds to be on the safe side. 2016 is literally Hitler." He is now suing for compensation.


But 2016's lawyer Schlomo Goldfinkel said, "2016 claims no responsibility for these deaths. These celebrities were victims of their lifestyle choices. Goldfinkel & Goldfinkel Life Assurance will not be paying out much this year; that I can assure you."

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