Tuesday, 20 December 2016


Merkel could only give a half-hearted Roman salute today

Angela Merkel failed her heavy goods test in spectacular style last night,  a three-point turn going disastrously wrong and killing a dozen onlookers. It was her second attempt at her driving test, her first in Nice during the summer again resulting in the deaths of many spectators as she attempted an emergency stop.


Lobby groups are now calling for her to receive a lifetime ban to prevent her from driving all articulated vehicles across the European Union. "She is not fit to be in charge," said Ian Stuart of the RAC.


Admiral Akbar!

The RAC has since come under fire, especially as they accused Merkel of shouting "Admiral Akbar!" as she careered into the crowd. 


"This was nothing to do with the Rebel Alliance and any accusations about Admiral Akbar are to be treated as racism. This is again the far right antagonising the situation," said Ben Kenobi.


A Christmas tree and church were also damaged in the incident, prompting concerns from religious groups. Mohammed al-Kabum of the pan-European think tank Peace on Your Grave that promotes interfaith love and tolerance said, "Today we see the destruction of a few outdated symbols, but as a PYG activist, my khoncern is that other more vibrant religious edificicicies khould be affected. All those who lay a finger on such edificicicicies will be khilled by Allah. Mercifully. For Allah sees all and is benevolent."



Yet Merkel herself has no plans to retire from driving. Asked who her driving hero was, we were surprised at the response. Michael Schumacher? Sebastian Vettel? No, for these are not lorry drivers. Surprisingly, her role model is our very own Peter Sutcliffe. "Er ist einfach der Hammer," she said.


None of the steel beams being transported were melted in the collision.

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