Thursday, 29 December 2016

2016 TO BE EXECUTED FOR MASS MURDER

 
Jollywood award

We will finally see justice as Saturday draws to a close, when 2016 is finally executed for the mass murder of celebrities this year. He was finally caught after doing mother-daughter combo Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher and now joins 1666, 1918 and 1945 as one of the most evil years ever.

Tuesday, 27 December 2016

LAST CHRISTMAS FOR JUDD MICK

Filthy: Judd Mick

 

Tributes have been sliding in after the death of popular Northern clubland singer Judd Mick at the age of 52 from a bum-banditry-related disease. Mick, who was born Giorgios Milo Flopadikupmiars in Greece, where they invented that sort of thing, leaves behind a gaping hole in the entertainment industry.

 

Tuesday, 20 December 2016

MERKEL FAILS HGV TEST

Merkel could only give a half-hearted Roman salute today

Angela Merkel failed her heavy goods test in spectacular style last night,  a three-point turn going disastrously wrong and killing a dozen onlookers. It was her second attempt at her driving test, her first in Nice during the summer again resulting in the deaths of many spectators as she attempted an emergency stop.

Monday, 19 December 2016

RUSSIANS PISS BLAIR'S BED

Slippery when wet: an angry Tony Blair this morning

Not satisfied with barbecuing babies on sticks in Aleppo and rigging the US elections by flooding America with Russian immigrants, it was revealed that the Russians have also pissed former British PM Tony Blair's bed. Blair, 63, was said to have been left "distraught" and "moist" by the incident last night.