CIVIL PARTNERSHIP JEWISH FEMINIST COUPLE HAIL VICTORY

In a fitting cohencidence to the first same-sex civil partnership, couple Charles Keidan and Rebecca Steinfeld's successful campaign was hailed by the Times of Israel as a Jewish feminist truimph of the will.

 

 

RACISM BECOMES A VERB

In the latest piece of trans-inspired academia, the noun 'racism' has become a verb. In a courageous tweet about the injustice of the general election result, social justice warrior James Felton made the brave and bold decision to 'out' the closet verb, using a preposition as a verb while doing so.

JEREMY CORBYN TO JOIN FRENCH STRIKERS

Soon-to-be-ex-leader of the Labour Party Jeremy Corbyn has ruled out appearing as Fagin in Drury Lane's production of Oliver!, instead opting to join strikers in France in a bid to relaunch his acting career.

TONY BLAIR GIVEN BLUE PLAQUE ON HAMPSTEAD HEATH TOILETS

Former Prime Minister and current head of the European Union's task force fighting non-Jew-worshippers has been given a prestigious blue plaque by the English Heritage Trust on the toilets of Hampstead Heath, London.

CORBYN ELECTED IN LANDSLIDE VICTORY!!!

Jeremy Corbyn won a landslide victory today as results poured in for 2019's Scruffiest Bastard of the Year contest.

EXCLUSIVE SCOOP: Shocking Notre Dame Cathedral Fire Witness Interview!

• Big fire happened

• Buildings burn when on fire

• Fire is really hot 

• This is sad 

• Press F to pay respects

• [insert quote from celebrity we can afford or just steal one from Twitter]

• [Insightful comment]

• Why am I writing the article in bullet point form here when I'm going to repeat it all below?

The world has found out, thanks to our tireless reporting here at the Dairy Male, the big churchy thing Notre Dame Cathedral, 856, has suffered a tragic blaze, captured here EXCLUSIVELY by our Parisian branch of the Dairy Male photographic team.

Recent fire at Notre Dame (why did this cost £5000 from the photographic budget? -Ed.)

Our intrepid Dairy Male reporter on the tragic scene of the shocking inferno of Notre-Dame Cathedral,856, in Paris has been approached by an eyewitness to the conflagration, putting into question the accidental nature of Monday's combustion. The motto here at the Dairy Male is "get that fucking work done today or you're fired"* "strike while the Cathedral is hot", so we immediately persuaded this witness with reasonable remuneration for his time to give an immediate EXCLUSIVE statement for our prestigious newspaper on the circumstances of this bonfire. Our witness,44, agreed to an EXCLUSIVE interview and has requested anonymity for his own protection, so from now on we'll be referring to him only as "Deepback",44.

Our witness "Deepback",44, bravely and selflessly unburdens himself EXCLUSIVELY to our reporters in this EXCLUSIVE Dairy Male interview

Deepback: This is all in used twenties, right? The tax office won't find out? 
Dairy Male: Everything is in order, now please let our readers know what happened.
Deepback: I wuz right there, guv'nor, I saws it all I did.
DM: Could you tell us some of the no doubt sensational events happening leading up to the tragic blaze?
Deepback: I saw that gyppo bitch, it woz her wot dunnit.
DM: Please clarify on that statement?
Deepback: That cow never puts out.
DM: She never puts out her cigarettes you mean? Clearly a fire hazard in an old building like this.
Deepback: Yeeeeeah. That's it. It's her fault for definite. She's a cold bitch. This man is going his own way now. Know where the nearest bath house is?
DM: Ah, so you think she started the fire to warm up? 
Deepback: Yeah, that's what I meant. Sure. Do you know where I can cash an insurance cheque in a hurry, by the way?
DM: Wait, aren't you meant to be French, why are you speaking English?
Deepback: Uh, I learned English real good from these animators who kept taking pictures of me years ago.
DM: Is there anything else you'd like to add about this shockingly tragic dramatic inferno?
Deepback: It definitely wasn't me that fell asleep in the attic and left the stove on. Do you think I qualify for a council house now? Gotta run.
DM: Thanks for all your assistance.


Our expert artist,27, here at the Dairy Male worked tirelessly with the anonymous eyewitness,44, before he left for an international flight on board his new solid gold aeroplane to reconstruct an EXCLUSIVE stunning artist's impression of this alleged suspect behind the heinous phlogistonation.

Arsonist at work, yesterday. Clearly an open and shut case. Guilt is written all over her face, or it would be if the artist didn't have a "crisis of conscience"

We here at the Dairy Male hope that the authorities will catch up with this alleged criminal individual responsible for the fire (you're not getting that thesaurus back - Ed.) and offer us an EXCLUSIVE insider interview! and bring them to justice, ideally in the form of some kind of sensational state TV broadcast guillotine related arrangement with front row seats and free champagne for the newspaper staff which brought them this hot lead.

Remember readers that this kind of high quality reporting costs an arm and a leg, so ensure that you renew your yearly subscriptions to our newspaper without delay, tell your friends and neighbours about us and donate your children's college funds to us too so we can bring you more EXCLUSIVE content. The sticky little shits will be working at a McDonalds anyway after that degree they wanted.





*(you're fired - Ed.)
*(if I hadn't already fired you, you'd be fired now - Ed.)

MILLENNIAL WHINES LOSES 50lbs BY CHANGING UNDERPANTS

Vile vlogger Colin Robinson, brother of equally evil Tommy Robinson, a.k.a. Millennial Whines, has lost an incredible 50lbs in weight after changing his underpants from a pair of grey ones to a pair of red ones.

GILLETTE LAUNCH NEW COMMERCIAL

Fair play where it's due, Gillette have taken on board recent criticism of their latest television commercial and have been working in conjunction with our marketing and advertising team here at the Dairy Male to make amends for their anti-White misandry. We are pleased therefore to present the new Gillette advert: