JEREMY CORBYN TO JOIN FRENCH STRIKERS

Soon-to-be-ex-leader of the Labour Party Jeremy Corbyn has ruled out appearing as Fagin in Drury Lane's production of Oliver!, instead opting to join strikers in France in a bid to relaunch his acting career.

CORBYN ELECTED IN LANDSLIDE VICTORY!!!

Jeremy Corbyn won a landslide victory today as results poured in for 2019's Scruffiest Bastard of the Year contest.

STUDENTS VOTE TWICE

It has been discovered that many students voted twice during this year's General Election, leading to concerns that voting may be rigged.

TONY BLAIR: "I DEFECATE ON YOUR DEMOCRATIC RIGHTS"

Tony Bliar has yet again shat in the faces of the British electorate with a flat-earth-shattering pile of poo that left even the last remaining white voters brown.