|GTKRWN: Juan Thompson|
White supreemist Juan Thompson has been charged with attempting to kill six million Jews with homemade bombs. The 31-year-old genius and journalist constructed the explosives following the instructions of a Youtube video featuring former Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis' instructions. The bombs were ingenious in their simplicity, having been made from toilet roll inners, blue tack, tampons and baking soda.
"It was almost a Shoah," said Isaac Goldsplatt, drying his tears with a used tenner. "We at Semites Hitting International Terrorist Supreemists will be urging President Trump to ban all guns, fireworks and sharp utensils. And of course, we will need compensation for our suffering, which will be eternal." He wrung his hands in obvious discomfort.
I B Woke, Thompson's former Black Studies university professor and author of the best-selling historical work Who Really Built the Pyramids, Cracka?, lamented, "I seed it coming. I telled them crackas, he be anotha Dylan Roof, but de White Man he be Babylon."
Janet Ellis' daughter Sophie Ellis-Bexter was not available for a mother-daughter combo.