THE UNDEAD FINALLY DIES

Kaufman on holiday in Whitby

Labour MP, Fabian Society member and Voivode of Wallachia, Gerald Kaufman has finally died at the tender age of 612. It has not yet been ascertained whether Kaufman died from decapitation, a stake through the heart or exposure to sunlight. Members of the LGBTJQ+ society have expressed other concerns, however.

KELLY OSBORNE: NO MEXICANS TO CLEAN MY SHITTER

Kelly "Twilight Sparkle" Osborne

 

 

Celebrity crack whore Kelly Osborne is facing a firestorm over comments made back in 2015, when she complained that sending back illegal immigrants would leave her with "no Spics to clean my shitter, thanks to Donald Trump." She apparently feared Trump's new wall would cause a backlog in her bathroom.