Saturday 8 February 2020

GORDON THE GOPHER: "SCHOFIELD MOLESTED ME"

In a not entirely unexpected twist to Phillip Schofield's coming out as a raging maryqueen, former co-host Gordon the Gopher has alleged that he was sexually abused by the presenter over a six-year period.




Gordon claims that Schofield would often shove his hand into his anus and force him to make squeaking noises during live recordings on Children's BBC. This has again raised questions over the licence fee in light of the BBC's culture of sexual abuse.

Gordon, then only seven years old, revealed how Schofield and his sucksessor Andy Crane once subjected him to a double tea-bagging. "I didn't know which way to turn," he sobbed.

Besides hosting ITV's This Morning, Schofield has since 2017 also been presenting the gameshow Five Gold Rings, which apparently has nothing to do with his faggotry. We asked former ITV bumfellow Michael Barrymore for comment, but he was too busy cleaning his pool.

Ed the Duck has made similar allegations about Andi Peters, but this has been dismissed as racism by Scotland Yard, who are now charging Ed with hatecrimes.

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