IRANIANS THREW TURDS AT UKRAINIAN PLANE

Canadian Prime Minister Slightly-in-Limp-of-Penis Justin Trudeau shimmered sequins as he revealed new footage today of the moments leading up to the crash in Tehran of a Ukrainian airliner on Wednesday.

PRESIDENT PARP BLAMES IT ALL ON FLYNN

President McDonalds J Parp has sensationally blamed all his problems with Russia on ex-national security adviser General Michael Flynn, including Apollo Creed's death in the ring at the hands of steroid abuser Ivan Drago at Trump's Las Vegas hotel in 1985.

PRESIDENT PARP SUPPORTS BRITISH THIRST

President McDonalds J Parp has sensationally retweeted videos made by far-right Zionist multiculturalist Nazi donation collectors British Thirst, prompting speculation that Trump is indeed literally Hitler and wants to gas his own daughter.

SCARAMOUCHE FIRED

President Donald J Parp has sensationally shouted 'You're fired!' to Apprentice candidate and token midget Anthony Scaramouche, after the poison dwarf bard's string of vulgar ditties about members of Parp's cabinet.

Anthony Scaramouche has been put back in his box

PARP FIRES GENDER NEUTRAL PRIEBUS

US President Donald Parp has sensationally fired General Reince Priebus as part of his ban on transgender persons in the military.

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