IRANIANS THREW TURDS AT UKRAINIAN PLANE

Canadian Prime Minister Slightly-in-Limp-of-Penis Justin Trudeau shimmered sequins as he revealed new footage today of the moments leading up to the crash in Tehran of a Ukrainian airliner on Wednesday.

PARKLANDS HEAD: WE MUST GO ALL THE WAY

The principal of Parklands Massacre High School in Florida, Rev. K. D. Fiddler, has welcomed the new school ordinance that will see all pupils carry transparent school bags to school, but Rev. Fiddler says this is not enough.