ENOCH'S WIFE TURNED INTO SOAP

Artist's impression: Have you seen this woman?

 

Police are investigating after the disappearance of Mike Peinovich's wife yesterday. According to one of their neighbours, a buck-toothed, hooked nosed man with peyot and binoculars, she was last seen in Pernovich's luxury kibbutz in Boro Poark in New Yoark, after having taken a shower and was heading towards the oven.

CARRIE FISHER AND KENNY BAKER FOUND ALIVE

A nervous R2D2 yesterday

 

In a sensational scoop, we can reveal that actors Kenny Baker and Carrie Fisher are in fact alive and well and hiding out at a backstreet bar in Benidorm. Both looked fit and well for members of the entertainment industry.

2016 TO BE EXECUTED FOR MASS MURDER

 

Jollywood award

We will finally see justice as Saturday draws to a close, when 2016 is finally executed for the mass murder of celebrities this year. He was finally caught after doing mother-daughter combo Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher and now joins 1666, 1918 and 1945 as one of the most evil years ever.